June 19, 2012

Teruskan..bohongi aku. :)


Tidak ditujukan kepada encik teman lelaki, tetapi entri khas panjang lebar untuk menggambarkan perasaan kecewa kepada seorang yang dianggap seperti teman.

Dear Cik A,

Dikesempatan ini saya ingin merakamkan setinggi-tinggi kekesalan saya kerana mempercayai anda. Anda tahu, RM2k memang besar, tapi nilai intelektual dan maruah saya lebih mahal daripada itu. Selalunya saya tidak mudah percaya begini. Tapi saya juga manusia, mudah berasa simpati dan percayakan orang terutamanya wanita yang cukup hebat pendidikannya, cukup mantap retoriknya, cukup manis bicaranya..kiranya serba cukup. Saya letak diri saya sebagai seorang kawan, saya relakan khidmat tak berbayar saya selama 3 bulan ini. Saya fikirkan itu sebagai suatu tuntutan fardu kifayah. (Juga nak cari saham akhirat) Tapi apabila saya dirundung kesusahan, bukankah harus, bagi seorang yang saya anggap memegang amanah duit ringgit saya sebanyak RM2k untuk membantu? At least, pay me back? Tapi takpe, hati yg sakit memang sakit. Pengadilan dunia memang takkan saya pilih, Walaupun hampir nak pilih dah. Saya cuma mahukan anda sedar yang disebalik kemegahan yg anda cukup banggakan, HUBUNGAN SESAMA MANUSIA amat penting. Saya mungkin manusia keberapa yang menjadi kecil di tangan anda, tapi takpa, pantun Melayu ada cakap: 

"ADA UBI ADA BATAS, ADA HARI BOLEH BALAS"

Tapi, biarlah Dia yg di atas membalas. I am keeping my cool.

Justeru, tersukanlah..Bohongi aku dengan semua retorika anda. :)

June 9, 2012

Of being a student, a lecturer, a humanist

Life ain't easy. Guess everyone knows that. Multitasking can never be easy, therefore, Kudos to those who are able to multitask well. What about the entry's heading then, cudda it mean something I wanna reflect on being a student and a lecturer? I've been juggling between these 2 professions, which I tell you, is the worst combination of multitasking category that I thought I would be able to handle. It is difficult. It is challenging. And it could be heart wrenching at times. 

I am not sure on how to put it in layman's word in order to help all pf you to comprehend the situation. It is like..Shoot, I think it is best to give you a situation. If I were to be in my supervisor's room in UKM; to discuss about thesis, to discuss about my subject orientation which will later be transformed into my expertise (so-called), I am definitely in worry of my students and managerial respondibility in TM College. And whilst I am in TM College, working; I definitely also worry about my study. It's direction, my ability to graduate-on-time. and yadda yadda. Hiahhhh.

I wish that I could life a more quiet and reserved life.

I wish to able finish this Master study.

And at the same time, I need to perform, career-wisely.


Huarghhh, I am WORRIED.